Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Tall Tales of Texas

So my trip home to Texas was a rough one, to say the least. Every time I turned around I "Chloe-ing" something up. Let's get a definition of that - Pulling a stunt that is totally justifiable from my point of view and then gracefully finagling the incident enough to barely charm my way through it. There is no shame in my game!

So for example I flew out of the small Fayetteville Regional Airport, I was so pleased with myself for not over-packing-- I mean I didn't even have to unzip the top part of my suitcase ( I leave that for coming home)! I have mastered packing for back and forth travel - always take something to give - then you have room in the suitcase for everything you buy! (something only a shopaholic would say). I ended up with my big check bag and then a carryon that I flippin' love because it has four wheels. When the hubs and I travel together, which is about as rare as me passing up a sale, we fight over who gets that one (he ends up totin' my bags anyway).

So I have my bags, there in plenty of time, doing really well! Get up to the gate where they literally have snack machines, not even one of the little barista off-brand Starbucks wannabees, just good ol E5 Snickers B2 Cheetos! But listen when I fly I gots to have a real Coke with some fizz!I waited around let other people board before me, because I like to spend the least amount of time of the hot tiny tot plane as possible, and obviously I'm just a sweetheart like that! So then Home Girl directing the line says, "If you have a bag and a carry on please place your carry ons on the cart to your right before entering the jet bridge!" I felt like she was totally looking at me.. I'm all like ok and hurl it up to the top. Before getting on the plane I said- "I have a quick connection will I have time to get my bag?" "Oh yeah Atlanta is really quick with those!"

Getting off the plane in HotLanta (one of these days Imma get Swanked UP with those ladies)I had one thing on my mine, switch flights make it to the next gate as quickly as I can maybe I'll be able to people watch for 5 minutes! Waiting for the bags, or anything else just ain't my thang! So the bags come I am looking for my obscure black bag and everyone grabs theirs and Ol' Clo's is nowhere in sight! WTF!!!!!!

"Is this all of the bags?" ... Country twang really coming out "These are all of the gate checked bags?"

Even a pilot passing by stopped to see what all the fuss was about...

"Yes ma'am I believe so.. Do you have your pink ticket?"

"No one gave me a pink ticket!?"

"Go see the gate agent and they will help you locate your bag"

So I start thinking about everything in that bag Oh only my makeup, jewelry, Kindle.... BRIDESMAID DRESS AND SHOES! Holy NESS! Pretty much anything I dubbed valuable enough to lug through the entire trip!~

So I get up to the next gate agent - out of breath may have shed a few tear- give my schpeel spiel and the lady and gent were not very nice but still listened...

I was like, "So I'm sure the bag never got on the plane right it has to still be in Fay!"

Lady, "Oh no I'm sure it is here somewhere"

"Well I guess I need to stay here and find it!"

"no no just get on your flight and they will help you in Houston!"

HOUSTON we have a problem!

The lady who scanned my tickets was the only one who really cared and she said...
"Ma'am they will find your bag..."

In between sobs I managed to get out, "It has my Bridesmaid dress in it, for my sister's wedding, I'm the Maid of Honorrrrrr" ugly sob ugly sob!

To top it all off I was painting my nails on the plane... clearly minding my own business and the male flight attendant came by and in a little six inch voice said "Ma'am that's not a good idea..." Which isn't really a stop or don't do that so I am like looking him like ok and you're point is. "it's the fumes, it bothers people" ... "Well good thing I'm on my last one!" asshole!

I befriended the baggage claim man in Houston only to discover that it really wouldn't have mattered. I figured my cute fuchsia heels were being tried on my everyone in the Atlanta airport and whoever could wedge their foot and try to Cinderella my shoes.

So then I had to break the news to my sister, bought a replacement dress and went farther in the Pineywoods to a place called HOME.

The next day, God granted me a miracle! Hallelurrr ya! They had found my bag and because my Kindle had 2% battery life with my flight itinerary being the last thing on it! So $136 worth of shipping and a trip to the county over later.... I had the bag with everything still in it - Can you believe that shit?!

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